I want to make a zoo with you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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