i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
They have beer where we have blood.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
