dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
