I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize