There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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