How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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