I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm like, not good at living.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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