I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize