hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
