you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
