there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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