I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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