I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
