I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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