That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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