ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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