Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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