So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
