First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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