I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
