There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize