I need help removing her.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
