The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
