I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
