they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
