Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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