If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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