we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
