I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I want a musical about memes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
