Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
