You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I want a musical about memes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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