I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize