I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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