would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize