I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
