Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
