Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
