Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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