I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
