Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
