if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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