Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
