The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
