But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
