That's intense
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize