Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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