i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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