I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
