I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
