I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
