So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize