I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
