Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
