Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
