Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
