how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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