her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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