why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
