i was born a porn star she said
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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