I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
