im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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