I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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