Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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