I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sober January is a disaster.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
