before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
