i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
