Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
