It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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