he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
