Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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