Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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