I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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