Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize