From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
where are you?
Hypothermia
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
