do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
