I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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